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Hi, I'm sleep deprived. +shy Cause sleep is for the weak! Hggnnnghhhh! +fight
I hate Finals
Confession: I kinda wanna save my confessions for something more meaningful but I keep putting it off whenever I wanna confess something. I'm not sure why.
Confession: Last Summer I changed my diet and started working out to get my body tone back (already skinny), as well as my tan. I switched to contacts as soon as I got insurance to cover them. All of this because I'm vain and like to look nice. Not because I like to look nice for anyone else. (Also, I feel and sleep better getting back into shape anyway.)
I hate these new forums. It feels like after years they were rolled out halfway done, which is just pathetic.
Some of the responses on gaming forums, this one included, literally make me shake my head and go "What?" when I read them. I feel dumber, Billy Madison-style, when I read some of them.
In real life and online I rarely open up all that much to people. Some people that I actually know face-to-face open up to me a lot because they feel very comfortable with me, but no matter how intimate the secrets they share with me are, I don't feel as if I can trust them enough to share mine. I have a handful of people that I do trust, but most people will never really get to know me. I inherently assume the worst; in most cases those who live up to those assumptions are in the extreme majority, but I'd rather not chance it.
It took me years of half-assing it in everything that I did before I got my act together and started putting in real effort. I slipped here and there, but overall I've done pretty well. I've had a fear of failure if I truly gave my all and so I always held back.
Four am.... Couldn't sleep... Just venting.... It's kind of depressing so feel free to skip...
Confession 1: I like giving things my all. But if I feel as if the playing field isn't fair or that I will need to hold back for what ever reason, I will end up losing motivation to play well and end up playing poorly, which leaves me feeling hollow. Kind of why I don't like S2 because nobody really does teamwork anymore so I have to take care of all of the mechanics alone and I can't play the way I like or else I would feel guilty or someone would blame it all on me for some reason if a raid goes bad because no one else would take care of the mechanics, so I would get pissed off and wished I could run back to my S3 raids where I was used to be happy before my weapon broke and no one even hosts it anymore. I could just solo but it's not fun running it alone.
Confession 2: I kind of have this habit of putting someone's hapinness before my own. I would keep quiet all of my frustrations to the point where I start to feel like I'm breaking under the pressure of feeling constantly unhappy while keeping a smile on my face. I guess it's my sense of guilt that drives this, that I feel selfish if I'm happy but someone else is not ... but some times it gets too much...
Confession 3: I'm actually really insecure... I am not rich. I am not op. I am definitely not the best player. The reason why I would usually leave a guild is because something would pissed me off. But I usually leave a guild because I would feel as if I'm not competent enough to stay in it. I was used to be told many times a long time ago that I'm a bad player. It pissed me off and I felt as if I don't belong in the guild. So I would leave and go off by myself to train and get better. I guess I still do that today to some degree... I still get frustrated and go off by myself to try and improve somehow. I get pissed off to no end if someone called me a bad player even if it's the truth. It would feel as if all of my efforts put into getting better had been for nothing. And it pisses me even more if it came from a player who is not aware of the class imbalance.
I'm aware that I put a lot of stress in how well I play ... It's just that's what makes me feel content and satisfied... just for this game. It may vary in another game... or maybe it doesn't...
Confession 4: I sometimes wonder if it's alright for me to be happy... These past 6 years had been rough. I'm constantly screwing up. If I'm happy for a moment, then my family would punish me or something would happen to crush it. Lately things are a little better, but I still couldn't break out of that mindset...
Confession 5: I extremely dislike elitists. It's the mindset in how they see and treat other people that bothers me. So I tend to try my best and stay away from them as best as I can if I find someone who has that mentality. Always kicking people who needs help but doesn't meet their standards.
Confession 6: My black and blue color scheme was originally chosen because it was the opposite colors of the common black and red color scheme that this one elitist guild had in 2013. If I wasn't influenced by my dislike for elitists, I would've chose black and red too because I liked the color, not because it was the most expensive dyes on the market. A few years later, when people start to wandered off from the common red and black color scheme, I've thought about changing to black and red, to the colors that I actually like, but I had used black and blue for so long that it had become kind of my trademark colors so I ended up staying with it until now.
Confession 7: I kinda wished that I could forget things easily, specific memories... Feels like all of the bad ones started to come back, all of the negative emotions. I don't know how to deal with it, it's getting harder for me to find something to distract me from it...
Confession 8: It's 5 am and I'm hungry as hell with this wicked craving for dry noodles with fried eggs. (trying to lighten the mood)
Confession: I really don't like my sis-in-law. She would clap her hands very loudly and hums while she is cooking for herself and my brother. Those two actions alone really annoys me everyday. She does not care or have no respect for my parents. She also looks down on my parents and me. She thinks she's always right and perfect in her own world. She refuse to lose or admit she's wrong in an argument. I really hate people with a mindset like hers. All she cares about is my brother and her family. After two years of living in the US, she have always been this way. tl;dr I have the worst Sister-in-law in the world.
Confession: I have severe mental problems that recently caused me to push away the people I love, including the one person I love the most. I've been going to therapy to get my problems sorted out, but I still miss those people everyday, and it hurts to know that the damage I've done can't be undone.
@BreastGrill Technically an aside, but don't let that pain eat at you. Focus on the fact that you want to be in a better place and dwell on the splendid times, use that as motivation to keep moving forward.
Confession: I used to think that getting bloody noses as a kid meant that as an adult you wouldn't get them anymore. I was wrong. I woke up this morning with one. Guess this is what happens when you get sick. x_x
Comments
But she clearly is...
But I don't want her to be right.
So I'm going to keep denying it!...
(its ok Dahyun, you r a qt3.14 too)
Random confessions:
I like it when people say what they want to say/say what they mean/are honest even if they can't express it very well.
One day when telling my swim students how to be sun-smart, I got sunburnt pretty bad... T_T
BabaPirate was my favorite forumer, foreignreign was my second favorite. (And maybe Holden.) RIP them all.
Miracle is fet. Anyone who denies it is one of her minions.
I really like Xie and Laludia.
As an addendum: I just finished Civil War and I'm straight but HOLY CRAP Chris Evans is so hot. Lol ahh
i dont use skype anymore +haha
And yh I miss Baba! And some other people.
I like Xie's post too. Unless its complaining about sleep deprivation. Which is all the time. :shy:
Cause sleep is for the weak! Hggnnnghhhh! +fight
I hate FinalsConfession: I kinda wanna save my confessions for something more meaningful but I keep putting it off whenever I wanna confess something. I'm not sure why.
Some of the responses on gaming forums, this one included, literally make me shake my head and go "What?" when I read them. I feel dumber, Billy Madison-style, when I read some of them.
In real life and online I rarely open up all that much to people. Some people that I actually know face-to-face open up to me a lot because they feel very comfortable with me, but no matter how intimate the secrets they share with me are, I don't feel as if I can trust them enough to share mine. I have a handful of people that I do trust, but most people will never really get to know me. I inherently assume the worst; in most cases those who live up to those assumptions are in the extreme majority, but I'd rather not chance it.
It took me years of half-assing it in everything that I did before I got my act together and started putting in real effort. I slipped here and there, but overall I've done pretty well. I've had a fear of failure if I truly gave my all and so I always held back.
Confession 1: I like giving things my all. But if I feel as if the playing field isn't fair or that I will need to hold back for what ever reason, I will end up losing motivation to play well and end up playing poorly, which leaves me feeling hollow. Kind of why I don't like S2 because nobody really does teamwork anymore so I have to take care of all of the mechanics alone and I can't play the way I like or else I would feel guilty or someone would blame it all on me for some reason if a raid goes bad because no one else would take care of the mechanics, so I would get pissed off and wished I could run back to my S3 raids where I was used to be happy before my weapon broke and no one even hosts it anymore. I could just solo but it's not fun running it alone.
Confession 2: I kind of have this habit of putting someone's hapinness before my own. I would keep quiet all of my frustrations to the point where I start to feel like I'm breaking under the pressure of feeling constantly unhappy while keeping a smile on my face. I guess it's my sense of guilt that drives this, that I feel selfish if I'm happy but someone else is not ... but some times it gets too much...
Confession 3: I'm actually really insecure...
I am not rich. I am not op. I am definitely not the best player. The reason why I would usually leave a guild is because something would pissed me off. But I usually leave a guild because I would feel as if I'm not competent enough to stay in it. I was used to be told many times a long time ago that I'm a bad player. It pissed me off and I felt as if I don't belong in the guild. So I would leave and go off by myself to train and get better. I guess I still do that today to some degree... I still get frustrated and go off by myself to try and improve somehow. I get pissed off to no end if someone called me a bad player even if it's the truth. It would feel as if all of my efforts put into getting better had been for nothing. And it pisses me even more if it came from a player who is not aware of the class imbalance.
I'm aware that I put a lot of stress in how well I play ... It's just that's what makes me feel content and satisfied... just for this game. It may vary in another game... or maybe it doesn't...
Confession 4: I sometimes wonder if it's alright for me to be happy... These past 6 years had been rough. I'm constantly screwing up. If I'm happy for a moment, then my family would punish me or something would happen to crush it. Lately things are a little better, but I still couldn't break out of that mindset...
Confession 5: I extremely dislike elitists. It's the mindset in how they see and treat other people that bothers me. So I tend to try my best and stay away from them as best as I can if I find someone who has that mentality. Always kicking people who needs help but doesn't meet their standards.
Confession 6: My black and blue color scheme was originally chosen because it was the opposite colors of the common black and red color scheme that this one elitist guild had in 2013. If I wasn't influenced by my dislike for elitists, I would've chose black and red too because I liked the color, not because it was the most expensive dyes on the market. A few years later, when people start to wandered off from the common red and black color scheme, I've thought about changing to black and red, to the colors that I actually like, but I had used black and blue for so long that it had become kind of my trademark colors so I ended up staying with it until now.
Confession 7: I kinda wished that I could forget things easily, specific memories... Feels like all of the bad ones started to come back, all of the negative emotions. I don't know how to deal with it, it's getting harder for me to find something to distract me from it...
Confession 8: It's 5 am and I'm hungry as hell with this wicked craving for dry noodles with fried eggs. (trying to lighten the mood)
tl;dr
I have the worst Sister-in-law in the world.