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  • XieXie
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    edited July 1, 2017
    Confession 1: I don't know if it's a good or bad thing that I'm extremely passive aggressive. When I'm mad or upset, I tend to go quiet or even missing. I just lose the will to talk and completely withdraw into myself.

    I used to post in this thread and other forum sections a lot. But to due to recent mishaps with Nexon ... I just lost all will to keep posting.
    I just wished Nexon is more communicative on why things go wrong. If reason cannot be said, then say why it cannot be said.
    I don't like it when things get seemingly get swept under a rug.


    Confession 2: I've lost all will to keep playing. Half of my friends are split on their opinions on the Rise update. Some think it's okay while the other half absolutely hates it. For me, I just feel completely hollow whenever I log in now. I have not felt this before for the past four years that I've been playing. I tried my best to enjoy the update but after each run, my mind felt more and more numb to the point that I can't stand it anymore and log off.

    I guess it's been a good four years. I remembered the day when I first saw Fiona and thought she was really pretty. Then realized she wasn't my play style then switched to Lann and it was love on first sight xD. I fell in love with the combat and stayed for Lann's abs. But unfortunately, after Rise, the only thing that is keeping me here now is Lann's abs, which, itself, is not enough.

    For those who liked Rise, enjoy, I've had a great time reminiscing with the old veterans that Rise had temporarily brought back, but it's time for me to go, have fun. ^ ^;

  • MrGattoMrGatto
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    edited July 2, 2017
    Xie wrote: »
    Confession 1: I don't know if it's a good or bad thing that I'm extremely passive aggressive. When I'm mad or upset, I tend to go quiet or even missing. I just lose the will to talk and completely withdraw into myself.

    This I can relate to way too much,I just go missing and stay away from everyone to avoid saying bad things to ppl when I'm like that. 'learned this the hard way'

    Anyway from my part,probably a long one and pathetic but still:

    I'm highly anti social 'if thats the correct world' and I don't talk much unless I have to so the ppl who are the opposite can annoy me very easily.Actually I'm annoyed by ppl cause of a lot of small reasons,often they don't even know what made me mad.
    For example ppl who think they are funny 'attention wh ores' but they aint and I just want them to shut up,same goes to ppl who spam a lot of smileys and childish stuff.

    This is also a problem in MMOs cause even the idea of being in a big guild with ppl I don't know makes me sick and annoyed and cause of this I had to quit some other games since you can't solo everything after a certain point:P

    Talking to more than 1 person at a time also frustrates me,I just don't like multi tasking in any form and split my attention.

    I can't seem to properly appreciate the ppl who actually put up with my bullshet and are nice to me,this makes me feel pretty bad but I just can't do anything about it..

    I have serious problems starting conversations,both irl and even online.If I'm not talked to then I rarely talk to ppl even tho I do want to talk to them 'its stupid right?'.

    I don't know what to do when I like someone and it frustrates me and at the end I just push the person away from me 'well done',and I'm also afraid of hurting that person with my usual crap.
    On the other hand I'm probably even more afraid of being hurt myself,it takes a very long time for me to 'heal' somewhat.

    I'm overly sensitive and often too serious in general and can turn from peaceful to pissed off in a matter of seconds and then throw shet at ppl for whatever reason.
    I overthink stuff,even things that I should not care about anymore or totally insignificant things and sometimes its so bad that I can't even sleep properly.

    I hate my own birthday,it makes me feel like 'yay you are 1 year older and still a worthless piece of shet'.

    I also have something like a dark/evil side that can be triggered if I'm pushed too far emotionally and its really not pretty.
    I have no idea what the eff I'm supposed to do with my life,even if I have ideas I lose all of the motivation very fast and just don't care.

    In the past sometimes I thought and felt like that I'm not a bad person but I've slowly realized that at the end non of my 'nice' things makes up for all the shet I do only because I can't deal with ppl and with my own emotions.This also leads me to feel like that probably it would be better if I just stay alone and not bother with relations with other ppl.

    My doctor is 'concerned' about my condition and wants me to go to a therapy for years already but I keep ignoring it and not even telling my parents,I don't want them think of me as a total fuckup. 'even tho I am'

    Considering all that there are still a very few ppl who are nice to me and I can call them friends but it also makes me feel that I don't deserve such.
    Xie
  • mhmdatkaytomhmdatkayto
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    Confession: I decided to go post around here instead of analyzing my data for research.

    Too many numbers. :(
  • TwilightSparkleTwilightSparkle
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    Confession: i like to annoy people with dumb questions :3
  • MrGattoMrGatto
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    edited July 22, 2017
    Random confession.

    I love justice,if needed I take it in my own hands and then enjoy watching the outcome of it,some ppl just deserve it.
  • DrãoDrão
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    edited August 19, 2017
    Confession: going to get less than 1 hour of sleep today


    Gotta fix my sleep schedule somehow... night! Wake me up in 40 minutes so I can get to work at time\

    edit: Gross, didn't realize my phone takes such large screen shots
  • RhapsodyOfFireRhapsodyOfFire
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    Confession/advice: never buy an all-in-one bike tool kit, most of the tools on it are useless except the chain pin removal tool and the tire lever..
  • XieXie
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    edited August 2, 2017
    It's been a while since I've last vented ... this post is depressing so please skip it.

    Confession 1: How do you help a drowning person ... when you are drowning too?

    Depression distorts your mind. It tells you that you are worthless, unwanted, and helpless. The world is dark and black. It becomes difficult to accomplish anything because the future you see is bleak and your mind is constantly telling you that you are worthless. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. How do you help someone see the light when you cannot see the light yourself?

    Confession 2: Gaming has a larger role in my life more than anyone realizes.

    Some people play to socialize. Some play to have fun. Some play for the accomplishments. Some play to escape.
    I play games to vent. Sometimes I want to play alone because I am also trying to come up with solutions to the problems that I face in life while at the same time, vent on the poor bosses in the game. I don't really go to my family and friends to talk because sometimes their answers would only agitate me further. There's a lot of restrictions and circumstances that they don't fully understand so that their answers become impractical ... Plus, it's easier for me to think and process things through while I'm alone. Eventually, I'll find the answers to my problems ... but it will take a lot of time.

    Confession 3: My Lann's motto reflects what I'm feeling inside.
    It has always been that way, whether I'm happy, sad, or in agony, it shows up in my Lann's motto.
    Even if what I show on the outside is completely different. I'm passive aggressive and introverted, I internalize everything that I feel.

    Confession 4: To friends, I'm sorry if I've been an ass.
    It's hard for me to stay positive when everything around me is falling apart.

    I've been really distant because I needed a lot of time alone to think about the problems that I've been going through ...
    No one told me of the Kraken that I would have to face after college. And the only weapon that I have to fight it, is a kitchen knife.

    So, I'm sorry if I can't make you happy.
    It's hard to stay sane when you're being beaten down at work every day ... so that by the time you get home, you question if you have any humanity left, while maintaining a mask that "everything is ok," so when someone asks "Hi! how you've been? :D!!" ... you let out a measly little squeek while your mind is in turmoil ... "I'm ok" .............. what else am I supposed to say?

    ... I just want to be alone, I die inside a little more and more every day. ._.
    I hope that this is not common at other companies and that I'm just having a bad year ... I enjoy my work and I do it well but ... the environment just feels so so wrong ... maybe even hostile.

    </vent>

    *runs away*
    Side note: I appreciate the luck and free stuff that Vindi has been giving me, thanks, it lightens my day a bit.
  • RhapsodyOfFireRhapsodyOfFire
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    Xie wrote: »
    Confession 1: How do you help a drowning person ... when you are drowning too?

    Depression distorts your mind. It tells you that you are worthless, unwanted, and helpless. The world is dark and black. It becomes difficult to accomplish anything because the future you see is bleak and your mind is constantly telling you that you are worthless. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. How do you help someone see the light when you cannot see the light yourself?

    I know it's somewhat a rhetorical question but i'll answer it from my aspect. I'm sorry in advance if i write anything rude.

    First, it really helps if you find the cause of your depression because most of the times you can improve your mood if you strictly avoid things that maintain your depression. I don't talk about the immediate elimination of it because that's not possible but you can climb those stairs. If you think it's just mental illusions then try to distract your mind from them. The best way is if you do something that makes you think you are useful.

    And now talking about what useful means. Useful for yourself or useful for others? If you think you can be useful only for others or what the society dictates then think of that you are in depression because you couldn't be useful for yourself. So at first do something useful to yourself like doing your hobbies that really ease your mind. And don't fear of the new things inside or outside your interests because only they can "adjust" you.

    If you want to help someone in depression when you are in depression too, that's a good sign. But one of you must be the leader to lead yourselves out of this situation, so don't ever wait for the other to take the first step. You can always plan beforehand how you will execute it. Plan the first step in detail and then just give it a try. (that's my confession too because i plan a lot)

    Nowadays a lot of people think they know every corner of each other's soul when there's always more than what the eye can see. It may sound sentimental but that's the harsh reality. Actually i realized that they do this not because they are evil but because bad thoughts help you prepare for the worst. So everyone feels a little bit bad about the other first and that's why you need to prove!

    "The world was never kind to anyone" - it reminds me of this quote that i don't know where i read or heard but i like it

    So just keep your head up!
    Xie
  • Order5Order5
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    I blacklist people who refuse to be team players - heck I have an entire guild blacklisted for ruining Royal Army break-off runs in the past, and I didn't feel even the least bit guilty about kicking them from my pugs when they had no guild-mates to run with. As a tip for blacklisting deep grudges: make sure you record pet names so you can identify potential alts as well - I don't hold grudges that deeply and will accept people as long they behave themselves, but once you land on my blacklist, I'm definitely not taking you on any of my boats because I consider you a float risk.
  • XieXie
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    Confession 1: I'm trying so hard not to drown.
    There are moments when I would finally break the water surface for air ... but I would feel a hand grab onto my leg and pull me under again.

    It's just so frustrating that I'm doing all that I can but it's just never enough. I am so lost, I keep wondering if this is where I belong ....
    Maybe, I know what I need to do to swim again but there's just so much pressure from my family to achieve that I would feel like I'm drowning again ...

    Confession 2: Being around other people have been really stressing me out badly lately.
    I can't help but always compare myself to everyone. My mind calms down when I'm alone but ... for some reason, I am never alone.

    Confession 3: For all of my life, I never had a role-model.
    I remember when I was in elementary school, my teacher asked everyone what was our role-model? I was really confused. What is a role-model? I couldn't think of one so I just winged it and said it was my dad, cause I liked his weird cooking.

    It wasn't until twenty years later that I finally found my role-model. I really admire Yang Bing, the dev who created Lost Soul Aside. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to make a world that I can dive into ... but didn't have the skills to pull it off (yet, lol). I realized we both have the same reason why we wanted to create that world. So, this has been my silly life-long dream that's seemingly out of reach. I wonder if I'll ever be able to reach it one day ... sadly, due to family high-expectations, I have to take a very long roundabout path ... will I make it?



  • RhapsodyOfFireRhapsodyOfFire
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    Xie wrote: »
    It wasn't until twenty years later that I finally found my role-model. I really admire Yang Bing, the dev who created Lost Soul Aside. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to make a world that I can dive into ... but didn't have the skills to pull it off (yet, lol). I realized we both have the same reason why we wanted to create that world. So, this has been my silly life-long dream that's seemingly out of reach. I wonder if I'll ever be able to reach it one day ... sadly, due to family high-expectations, I have to take a very long roundabout path ... will I make it?

    I'm also interested in such a game project. I actually created a small and simple game a couple of years ago for trolling my friends (won't post here but you can ask me in pm for it : D). Then i started a bigger project last year but i have a lot of other things to do meanwhile that delay it. I love horror games and metroidvania kind of games so you can guess the genre. : D
  • XieXie
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    Xie wrote: »
    It wasn't until twenty years later that I finally found my role-model. I really admire Yang Bing, the dev who created Lost Soul Aside. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to make a world that I can dive into ... but didn't have the skills to pull it off (yet, lol). I realized we both have the same reason why we wanted to create that world. So, this has been my silly life-long dream that's seemingly out of reach. I wonder if I'll ever be able to reach it one day ... sadly, due to family high-expectations, I have to take a very long roundabout path ... will I make it?

    I'm also interested in such a game project. I actually created a small and simple game a couple of years ago for trolling my friends (won't post here but you can ask me in pm for it : D). Then i started a bigger project last year but i have a lot of other things to do meanwhile that delay it. I love horror games and metroidvania kind of games so you can guess the genre. : D

    I tried to make one before but it failed lol. Wasn't sure what I was doing back then and the guides were confusing. Maybe, I'll try again next year or something lol. The main issue for me is lack of time so I guess that's a problem for both of us. I hope we'll both find time one day to create what we want. I have a love-hate relationship with horror genres. Thanks to it, I now have a slight fear of looking into mirrors at night. I try to stay away from horror genres but the stories are so captivating that it keeps drawing me in out of curiosity even though I know I won't be sleeping that night lol. I love FInal Fantasy, Warframe, and Assassin's Creed so my inspiration is coming from them. lol
  • RhapsodyOfFireRhapsodyOfFire
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    edited August 11, 2017
    Xie wrote: »
    I'm also interested in such a game project. I actually created a small and simple game a couple of years ago for trolling my friends (won't post here but you can ask me in pm for it : D). Then i started a bigger project last year but i have a lot of other things to do meanwhile that delay it. I love horror games and metroidvania kind of games so you can guess the genre. : D

    I tried to make one before but it failed lol. Wasn't sure what I was doing back then and the guides were confusing. Maybe, I'll try again next year or something lol. The main issue for me is lack of time so I guess that's a problem for both of us. I hope we'll both find time one day to create what we want. I have a love-hate relationship with horror genres. Thanks to it, I now have a slight fear of looking into mirrors at night. I try to stay away from horror genres but the stories are so captivating that it keeps drawing me in out of curiosity even though I know I won't be sleeping that night lol. I love FInal Fantasy, Warframe, and Assassin's Creed so my inspiration is coming from them. lol

    Nice, but don't give up! ; )

    Not many people say it out but in this modern world they give up on their dreams mostly because of the feeling that they can't keep pace with the others. It just adds to this when the information they receive from the others or the media is too much. They feel like the world spins around them and not with them and it leads to that being useless feeling.

    The prelude of it might be bad childhood circumstances with uncaring parents that expect more from their children than what they expect from themselves. And then they use the psywar method and say all the bad things to their children in that belief that this will make them stronger. I'm not saying it's not needed sometimes but not in this way. Because the irony of it is that they only become stronger if the parents are idolized or caring(!!!) If the parents are good examples in their life. *inserts Harlow's experiment here* I can't say enough times to some people that it doesn't end at the supplying of basic needs...

    But i'll stop with this topic before i write an entire novel about it. : P

    And what about your failure? What guides did you read or watch and at which part did you stop? I'm not forcing you to tell me here. You can also tell me in pm. : P

    Btw, never start with a big project! If you do it alone and you don't want to spend money on it then do smaller projects first. And decide which part you want to do. If it's programming then do that only and download free-to-use assets. If it's 2D or 3D graphics then do that only and download scripts or choose an engine that doesn't require much programming skills like Unreal Engine 4. However you will need to know the basics of programming such as functions and return values, data types, variables, control flow (or execution flow), input/output, et cetera... So it doesn't make it much easier to make high-quality content because there are also a lot more techniques now and some parts became more complex especially the shader techniques.

    But you need time to experiment with it and sometimes you need to accept less than becoming demotivated while struggling for more because you can always improve it later.
  • XieXie
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    edited August 12, 2017
    And what about your failure? What guides did you read or watch and at which part did you stop? I'm not forcing you to tell me here. You can also tell me in pm. : P

    But you need time to experiment with it and sometimes you need to accept less than becoming demotivated while struggling for more because you can always improve it later.

    Main issue for the failure was trying to make every thing from scratch except for the engine. I worry about copy right issues so I just make everything myself. I got to the point where you can run around in 3D after spending many months modeling but, then after that I got too busy with uni so I ended up stopped working on it.

    One of the biggest challenges for me while making it, is trying to map out the textures onto the mesh and the armature. The procedure can be really messy and tedious at times. I can't always do it automatically cause it won't always map out right. If I ever have time, I'll work on it again but at the moment, I have too many projects going on that I can't work on the game until at least another year.

    I could probably make a much smaller game but it won't feel satisfying and serve what I need.

    Don't worry, it's rare for me to give up on anything. The only issue is time ... something that I may not have for another year ...


    Confession: I'm only depressed because my workplace has too many people that drive me crazy everyday. +haha
    I was looking at my career through rose-colored glasses. At first, it didn't seem too bad and everyone that I had worked with up until now was nice but ...

    I just never thought that there would be a dark-side to the career. I thought debugging would be only the nightmare but there's more. Overall, college just teaches basics and theory. It doesn't really prepare you for what's out there, what is practical and the people. Lol ... maybe I knew it was coming but I didn't realize the gap would be that large ... at least, I'm learning a **** ton in such a short amount of time ... but now I feel dumb as **** compared to when I was in Uni ... like damn ...

    ... And I'm also feeling this right now ... long read but yeah: http://gizmodo.com/programming-sucks-why-a-job-in-coding-is-absolute-hell-1570227192

    For future reference, the size of the company matters.
    If you're bored and want excitement and chaos, go to a small company.
    Though, this may not always be true ^





  • RhapsodyOfFireRhapsodyOfFire
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    edited August 12, 2017
    Xie wrote: »
    Main issue for the failure was trying to make every thing from scratch except for the engine. I worry about copy right issues so I just make everything myself. I got to the point where you can run around in 3D after spending many months modeling but, then after that I got too busy with uni so I ended up stopped working on it.

    One of the biggest challenges for me while making it, is trying to map out the textures onto the mesh and the armature. The procedure can be really messy and tedious at times. I can't always do it automatically cause it won't always map out right. If I ever have time, I'll work on it again but at the moment, I have too many projects going on that I can't work on the game until at least another year.

    That's okay if you want to learn and experiment but not if your goal is creating something. And don't worry about copyright. If it's free you probably can use it in your free project since that's what they are made for. So if you don't want to sell them then it's fine. You just put the creators' names and links in the credits. Or sometimes it's enough to put the link of the website you downloaded the assets from in it because this way they can't say you own them. But always read the FAQ or ask the website owner first if it's okay to do that.

    Sculpting is another thing that takes a lot of time besides those things you mentioned. About UV mapping you just need to understand how the faces are wrapped around a shape and along the seams (that are like guidelines for the mapper, you add more sides to map with it) if you selected any. I usually break it down to smaller parts if the model is too complex or contains many curvatures because it basically maps from 6 sides according to the shape's rotation axis (that's why a cube is mapped perfectly) and the viewport that it maps with doesn't rotate with the curvatures so it will stretch them out on the UV. For example if it contains regular shapes i always select their boundary edges and mark them as seams. But for a human face for example you can't do much and you'll have to manually correct the stretches by aligning the UV edges along the X and Y axis depending on which axis the edge is closer to but you can reduce them beforehand by splitting the sides with seams and using some automatic stretch minimizing method. And at last if the texture layout is important you export the UV layout to an image file and load it into Photoshop or GIMP then you cut and align the texture according to the UV islands. Don't forget that you can move the islands beforehand and put them together for the contiguous texture parts. That's it in short.

    Oh and i almost forgot it. Always use the default tiled texture when mapping! (it's called UV grid officially but i name everything for myself xD) It greatly helps you position the UV faces correctly.
    Something like this one:
    m7QiQ.png

    But always look up the logic behind each part how they work and stuff! It's much much easier to do anything if you understand what you are doing. So look up the documentation and don't watch or read guides first because not all of them explain this part.

    A few corrections that came to my mind:
    I talked about Blender because it's a free software. : P Also the 6-side mapping is only for the Cube projection. The regular unwrap maps every face and piles them up in the UV canvas according to the seams. Also the seams don't affect the other kind of projections, but actually you can map every kind of shape with the regular unwrap and the seams, and you will never ever have to use the other projections.
  • SanuienSanuien
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    Confession: I don't really want to go to college. Mom can't understand that college isn't cut out for everyone Z Z Z Z
  • DrãoDrão
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    Confession: My birthday is in a couple days and I doesn't feel real... can't believe I finished college already, those 4 years went by so fast.
  • SanuienSanuien
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    Confession : I miss vindi lol
  • MrGattoMrGatto
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    edited October 5, 2017
    Confession: I might have an actual mental disorder 'borderline personality disorder'

    I always knew that I'm not an easy person to deal with but lately my behaviour is just vile and even made me feel wrong so I did some research and thats what it looks like..
    I'm just afraid to have it diagnosed cause I fear of what my family would think of me,like I'm not a fuckup already.
    Sanuien wrote: »
    Confession : I miss vindi lol

    Me too,I mean not in its current state but the old times,most likely it was my best 'MMO' experience I will ever have,since I don't bother anymore.